Living Off The Land
by Becca962
Summary: HIATUS When school ends, Quil has an idea. Camping can be fun, but not when the pack is forced to set up a tent, cook over a fire, and avoid vultures. Super funny story, partially based off true events, and multi chapter. T for language


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Duh.**

**Hey people! This story is in honor of summer! It has been sitting in my ideas binder since last summer, so I feel it's time to let the world read it. The ideas were brainstormed with my friend, Erin. She's pretty much my co-author. Some of the events in this story are based off totally true events. For that inspiration, I would like to thank my sister, my cousins, and Hannah. My final thanks is to my beta, SheWolfx3. She has been super amazing!**

**Enjoy!**

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**Day One**

**SPOV**

School was over.

Over.

I was freaking ecstatic! It was the end of junior year. Quil had been in college for the past couple of months. Since all the vampy stuff had calmed down, we all had to go to school. Now that it was summer, Quil was taking advantage of it.

"I have a plan." He announced while a bunch of us were hanging out at Sam and Emily's.

"What?" Sam asked

"We should go camping. Real camping. Not with the fancy trailers with air-conditioning, cable, and showers. But camping in tents and cooking over a fire." He replied

"Why would we do that?" Paul asked "Do you really love being outside that much? If you do, you could always pull a Jake and run off into the forest for a couple months."

Rachel had been listening in. "I think it would be a great idea. All of you guys could bond, and have some fun without worrying about your other responsibilities for a while."

Once Rachel had spoken, Paul was doomed. She ended up talking to all of the other imprints, and the other guys were doomed too. We were going camping for one weekend. No cable. No air-conditioning. No showers. No ovens. Just lots and lots of bugs.

* * *

Paul was put in charge of our little trip. I got a tent, some air mattresses, and other camping gear together. He also borrowed a truck from his dad that was bigger than any of our cars. He didn't try hard to get people to go, so we ended up with a group of seven: me, Jacob, Paul, Jared, Quil, Embry, and Sam. They begged Leah to go, so we'd have some cooking help, but she refused. Her words were "No. There is no way in hell you could convince me to spend a whole weekend with the seven of you. If I didn't kill you all, I would probably attack innocent bystanders. So leave me alone."

On Friday morning, Paul woke everyone up around seven. He went from house to house telling us to get up so we could get to the park before lunch. The drive was thing closest thing to hell that we could get on earth: the seven of us crowded into Paul's dad's six-seater jeep was not comfortable. Paul was driving, with me in the middle, and Jake in the passenger seat. Jared, Embry, Quil, and Sam were in the back. The trunk was packed to the roof with our stuff. It would be hard enough to fit seven normal sized people in here well, but seven of us huge guys were terrible.

"Quil, get your hand off my leg." Jared was complaining "It feels very sexual, and I do not feel the same way about you."

"I'll get my hand off your leg when Embry gets his feet away from my ass." He replied

"It's not my fault," Embry whined while trying to adjust. "Sam is practically sitting on my lap!"

"Oh, shut up!" Paul finally yelled from the driver's seat. He pulled over to the side of the road "We will all be together in this car for another three hours. If I listen any of you guys bicker like a little girl again, I will strap someone to the roof."

"Do you think he's kidding?" Jake whispered in my ear, too low for Paul to hear.

"I doubt it." I whispered back.

"Did he even bring something to tie people with?" Jake whispered again.

"Yes, I brought some rope and bungee cables." Paul whispered loudly.

"Did you hear all of that?" I inquired in a normal tone.

"Yes, I did."

* * *

We got to the park, checked in, and got a map to our site. It was pretty weak. There were trees everywhere, a dirt clearing, and a puny patch of grass. There was also a bunch of little stones in a circle that looked like a fireplace.

"Well this is crap." Jared said as he looked around "I expected better, the brochure looked kind of nice."

"Yeah, those were the expensive sites." Paul said as he dragged stuff out of the car "This is what we got from our fund. So unless you want to get a job that pays real money, stop being a girl and help me unpack."

We all pulled stuff out of the car and set it in a huge heap. The tent and some stakes were on the side, and the grate to cook over the fire was sort of dented.

"Has anyone ever set up a tent before?" I asked.

"I've seen then being set up before." Jacob replied.

"I did when I was a little kid." Quil added.

"Then you two get to set it up." Embry pointed to the lump of poles, tarps, and rope.

"Fine." Quil responded as he bent down to pick up the directions and a pole.

Quil stood up, and stretched out the pole. As he spun it around to look at the directions, Paul went to hold them up. Quil was moving too fast and nailed Paul right in the family jewels with the pole. They both jumped backwards, and Paul let out a moan so pitiful it was hard to laugh. But we did. Everyone was cracking up; Paul growled at Quil and was about to jump him when Sam came over.

"Calm down. We do not need anyone hurt on day one." He ordered.

"Too late." Paul grumbled as he hobbled away to the car to sit down. He pulled out some camping chairs and plopped onto one.

"I'll get this done." Quil lifted the pole back up.

Sam was too close this time. He was looking down at the directions and Quil sent the pole right into his eye. It turned bright red, and both of Sam's eyes started watering.

"Now, someone will get hurt." Sam growled.

"Hey, we should stop now!" Jacob ordered "Quil, set the pole down. Sam, go sit down by Paul. Seth, Embry, get over here and help me. Now."

We all obeyed. Jacob looked kind of mad.

I grabbed the directions and started to read. Then I stopped, it was all in Japanese, or something like that.

"Does anyone know how to read foreignese?" I asked.

"What the hell is foreignese?" Embry asked.

"How should I know?" I snapped "If I knew what it was, then I wouldn't be asking, now would I?"

"He has a point." Jared chuckled.

"Shut up." Embry growled "Let me look." He snatched it from me, and examined it for a minute. "That is most definitely Japanese."

"How do you know?" Jacob asked, looking up from the tent that was starting to look tentish, if you squinted and blinked really fast.

"I had an exchange student a couple years ago. He was from Japan, and taught me some stuff."

"Can you read any of it?" Jacob asked.

"No." He replied.

"Then what did he teach you?" I asked

"He taught me how to say 'Embry is a hunky, sexy beast." Embry mumbled.

"Wow." Sam stood up "We need to find someone who speaks Japanese."

"We're in the middle of Washington, in a tiny campground, surrounded by trees, who here speaks Japanese?" Jared shouted

Just then, a little BMW pulls around the corner into the clearing across the dirt road from us. It was a little Asian family. There was a mom, dad, and two smallish kids. As soon as the kids got out of the car, they ran off to the pool or something. The mom said something to the dad and walked after them. Quil looked at me. I was about to stop him when he sprinted over towards the guy.

"DO YOU SPEAK JAPANESE?" Quil bellowed at the confused looking man.

As soon as he saw Quil coming towards him, he took off. Jared realized how ugly this could get and went after them. I just wanted to see what would go down, so I followed too. This probably freaked the guy out more, because he sprinted even faster after he turned around a bit and saw us.

"WAIT, WE JUST NEED SOME HELP READING INSTRUCTIONS!" Quil shouted as he cornered him.

He stopped of exhaustion when Jared and I caught up, so Jared talked to him.

"Do you speak Japanese, we just need some help reading directions and my friend here, has some issues with politely asking." He pointed a Quil who waved and grinned lazily.

He replied in perfect English "No, I do not speak Japanese. Not only was I born in America to parents who were born in America, my grandparents are Chinese and French. Please leave me alone."

"Oh," Quil replied, looking forlorn about running all this way for nothing. He took off at a jog back to the site

"Do you know how to set up a tent?" I asked "That's what we really need help with."

"I do, but I really don't think I'm going to help you. I plan on getting a new site and never seeing any of you again."

* * *

The tent did get set up eventually. Sort of. It was strung up between two trees, tacked to the ground in a couple places, and the rope held anything left over together. It stood and the two air mattresses fit in. It would be crowded, and it had lots of holes, so we hoped the weather would cooperate. Rain, cold, and hot would all be disastrous.

Once the tent was done, we decided to do something fun. Across the field from us was a huge hill. We sat there for a while, drank some sodas, and just chilled. Jared and Embry dragged an air mattress out and were laying on it. Embry rolled over and it all went down. They slid down the hill and came to a stop near the bottom. They pushed themselves the rest of the way down, and ran back up with the mattress. Sam got the idea and grabbed the other one.

"We need to have races." Embry said holding up the mattress "This will be epic."

We broke off into teams of two, and started sliding down. No one really kept track of who was winning, we just had a lot of fun. Eventually we came up with the best method: one person would hold the mattress and two others would run at it. They would hit and all of them would go sliding down. We tried cramming more and more people on each slide, until we were all on one.

We all got pretty beat up rolling off the sides and falling on top of each other. One of the tubes popped.

"What the hell, guys?" Paul shouted "Whoever popped that is sleeping on the ground."

No one really knew who popped it; we had all ridden it at least once. We all crammed on one, and slid for one last ride. Once we hit the bottom, we all laid there for a minute. It was hot, and we were tired. Eventually, I heard Jared speak up.

"What are those birds flying around by us?"

Jake looked "Those would be vultures."

We all sat there for a sec before someone got it. I jumped.

"Those are vultures circling us. They think we're dead. We need to get up and not get eaten by them!" I shouted and pushed everyone off me.

We all got up, and dragged the mattresses back to the site. We ate some hot dogs for dinner, and tried to cram into the tent. Eventually, Quil, Embry, and I decided to lay on the ground outside. Thank god it didn't rain. Day one was a success. We just had to make it two more days and we could go home. It didn't seem so bad anymore. This trip may just be kind of fun.

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**What did you guys think? I had so much fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. I love reviews, and I have at least two more chapters planned. **

**The part in this chapter based off a true story was sliding down a hill on an air mattress. All my cousins and I were sliding down a hill on an old air mattress. There was even a vulture. They followed us all weekend.**

**REVIEW!**


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